The Pillar of Relax

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Engaging in the habits outlined in the Pillar of Relax is imperative to our health.

In this go-go-go world we can have a breakdown. Our bodies are not machines. We’re human beings that need rest and recreation every day.

The strategy I employ is a simple one predicated on mindfulness: pay attention to what your body is telling you to do and how your body feels at any given time during the day.

One Sunday it was unseasonably colder. My body had gone on strike it seemed. There would be no going to the gym and no going outside.

Pushing yourself to do demanding activities is a mistake when your body is telling you to slow down and rest. Yet too often people think that being busy is a sign of health.

Being busy isn’t a sign of health. Being fit and active is the barometer of health.

You can do less every day and achieve more peace of mind and better health.

We should not be checking work e-mails from home. In my house I have the inviolable rule of not checking work e-mails when I’m on vacation.

The corollary to relaxing is the Pillar of Sleep. Dr. Chatterjee recommends establishing the 90-Minute Rule: shutting down all TV, cell phone, and tablet use 90 minutes before you go to bed.

Getting enough rest and recreation can absolutely halt disease from starting or progressing.

I’ll end this blog entry by saying that for years I was skeptical that a person’s behavior and lifestyle choices could cause disease.

Now I know without a doubt that the keys to unlocking optimal health are in our own hands. We are not passive victims of illness. Disease is not the natural outcome of getting older. It’s too often the result of inactivity and poor choices.

The Myth of Being a Superstar

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Surf on over to my Left of the Dial blog to read an entry about the absolutely gorgeous Nike video with Colin Kaepernick. You can view the short film on YouTube.

The video is uplifting and inspiring. In one way I feel like I have a connection to Serena Williams and the others featured in the film. Like the lyrics to the Lorde song “Royals” each of us came from nothing spectacular and rose up to become winners.

When you have a diagnosis of schizophrenia or another mental health issue you’re told that you succeeded “despite having” schizophrenia.

Your achievements have most likely come via your own efforts. Yet minimizing your role in your success discounts how hard you worked.

In keeping with the Nike claim to be “The Greatest Ever” each of us needs to base our identity on who we are as a person not on what our illness is.

What if who you are is a biker, baker, or book lover?

Being defined by your symptoms locks you into what I call an identity straitjacket.

Using your illness as the barometer of your abilities is a mistake.

It’s quite the opposite: people can and do recover every day.

It can seem like it’s out of the ordinary to succeed when you have a diagnosis of schizophrenia.

Yet telling people they have succeeded or thinking people succeed despite having schizophrenia reinforces the myth that this is a rare occurrence.

I’m trying to publish an Op-Ed piece soon timed to October–Disability Employment Awareness Month.

I’ll give the link here if (I hope when) the Op-Ed piece is published online.

I’m confident when I tell you that being The Greatest You is all that counts.

26 Years in Remission

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I’ve decided I want to act as a storyteller to tell stories from my own life. I’d also like to have other people tell their stories in this blog.

As always, I don’t have a license to practice medicine–I’m not an M.D.

So I can’t give medical advice. I can’t tell people to take medication. Nor can I give instructions on how to discontinue medication.

My goal in telling my story is to uplift and inspire others that there’s hope for healing and having your own version of a full and robust life.

Ann Bartlett at HealthCentral years ago told it like it is:

“Healing is as potent a medicine as a cure can be.”

The reality is critics have attacked me for writing about how taking medication helped me heal.

There’s a whole contingent of anti-psychiatry folk who champion that people have the right to be psychotic. Underneath their contempt of what I write there’s most likely a grain of envy.

They don’t like that I’ve done great things in my life precisely because I take medication. This disproves their claim that medication causes disability.

If I went away, if I watered down my vision to please these people, if I sold my vision to the highest bidder (Pfizer et al), nothing would change in society.

Peers who need to hear my message of hope and healing would be left in the dark. Families would think there’s no hope for there loved ones.

This is my story:

I’ve been in remission from schizophrenia–with zero symptoms–for 26 years as of this month.

This has been possible because I take a dose of maintenance medication.

The details about my recovery are out in the open in my memoir Left of the Dial.

What’s different about my story is that when I was only 22 and first diagnosed I dared think a better life was possible than the one presented to me: living in public housing and collecting a government disability check forever.

I’ve written in here before a blog entry that if I remember right was titled the Myth of Competitive Employment.

One anti-psychiatry critic denounced my success as impossible for most people to achieve.

If that were so, why would I dangle in front of peers a goal that can’t be reached?

Those of us who are doing well–most of us who are doing well–don’t have the courage like I do to talk about this publicly. So it can seem like no one’s able to recover.

The point–as expressed in The Myth of Competitive Employment–is that each person’s definition of recovery is going to be different.

Each of us can find our own version of well inside the illness. My version of well is simply my story. Your version of well is your story.

I really wish more people would come forward to tell their stories.

I wanted to publish Left of the Dial to show how getting the right treatment right away can create a better outcome.

I’ve been in remission 26 years as as of this month.

In the coming blog entry I’ll talk about the book in more detail.

Giving Stigma the Boot

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This discovery just in:

I figured out why most people don’t understand you.

Their lack of compassion comes from a place of hurt.

Think long and hard about their envy, their critical nature, their attacks.

Doing so you’ll most likely find they feel threatened.

You’re able to have or do something they can’t have or do.

Be empathetic; be ethical in how you interact with these and other people.

Yet remember: you are a person of worth equal to others in society.

You are worthy, regardless of whether you’re in remission or not.

You are a human being and are entitled to be treated with dignity.

Are you struggling? When will this end you might think.

It’s foolish to assume that other people have it easy. You don’t know what’s going on behind their closed door or in their head.

I say: try to have compassion for people who don’t seem to have compassion for you.

One day they could be tested by getting ill. Then suddenly they’ll be clamoring for a way out of pain and for others to understand.

I’ve said it before in my blogs and I’ll say it again: the role of stigma in impeding what a person can do is overrated.

I’ve thought long and hard about how to bounce back from rejection. About how to feel good about yourself when it seems other people don’t understand what you’re going through.

Meet me in the next blog entry for info on how to soldier on in the face of the heavy artillery of other people’s hurtful comments.

They just don’t understand. Get it? I no longer expect outsiders to understand what it’s like. We can’t expect the impossible from other people.

We can only expect ourselves to do the best we can with what we’re given.

I choose to make a lemon meringue pie out of the lemons life throws.

Talking About Grief and Mourning

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Once again I’m the first and only person writing about a topic no other mental health writer or agency has tackled before: what it’s like in bereavement for a person diagnosed with bipolar, schizophrenia, or another emotional illness.

My father has been gone over two years. An aunt died over a year ago. After my father died I started to have conversations with him. He appeared to me in dreams.

The older you get there will be different kinds of losses–of  the people you love, of friends that no longer suit you, of dreams that go unfulfilled.

As the years roll by, our accreted sorrows can engulf us even though we’re doing well and able to function. Our grief as we get older can become unbearable not just in mourning our loved ones. Our pain over not getting what we wanted in life can also consume us.

I haven’t yet had a boyfriend come into my life or a book contract for my second book.

One, just know that you are not alone.

There’s hope that you can get what you want even though it might take longer or you might have to go about it differently in your method for achieving something. It took me 13 years from start to end to publish Left of the Dial.

Two, just understand that you shouldn’t take other people’s bull crap.

They have no idea–most likely they have no compassion because they’re in this world for self-gain so don’t value kindness.

Only I understand what it’s like to have a mental illness. I identify as a person diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I’m 53, and I’ve had to survive by my wits and grit all these years in recovery. I decided long ago that I wanted to act as a cheerleader for others with mental illnesses to give them the hope, support, and encouragement that has been often lacking.

With the “everyone can recover” mentality what gets lost in the message is that even though you’re in recovery your life can still be hard.

A therapist once told me: “Your pain can be greater because you’re aware that you’re different.”

So-called normal people just don’t get it about what it’s like to live with a mental illness. They can’t possibly truly understand.

You’re left to yourself to make your way in the world. No one asks you how you’re doing. No one calls you on the telephone to brighten your day.

To add to this the feeling of grief you have over a loss can threaten to overwhelm you, to consume your waking thoughts, to settle on your chest like a weight, to make you lose hope.

Grief and its twin rejection can seem like immutable forces that will keep us on the sidelines of life.

My analogy is that there’s not a glass ceiling for us, there’s a glass wall separating us from others. We can see the outside world and want to be a part of it yet there’s a glass wall separating us from that world.

There’s a counter-intuitive solution to combat sliding into permanent despair. I can’t take credit for this strategy. It was my own mother who told me:

“Love life. That’s the only one you have. You have to live your life.”

Then my mother said:

“It’s about getting up every day and getting your job done.”

Each of us is doing the best we can with what we were given.

One some days our job will be simply to get out of bed. On other days our job might be to go to a coffeehouse and buy a hot chocolate.

I”ll end here with this:

I understand what it’s like to be in mourning. I understand what it’s like to have ongoing setbacks.

 

 

Setting Up a Home Gym

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I’ve exercised in my living room two or three times since I was thrown into the role of caregiver for my mother.

You don’t need an expensive gym membership to work out every week.

You can go on YouTube to watch videos to see how to perform different exercises.

For a cost of $90 or so upfront you can buy equipment to use in your home.

I’m not a big fan of buying things on Amazon yet I do shop on this online superstore every so often.

I bought from Amazon sellers a 20-pound kettlebell, two 10-pound dumbbells, and a 36-inch foam roller.

That’s all you’ll need to exercise in your living room: just these three items.

Amazon also sells adjustable weight dumbbells.

With this equipment you can do an exercise routine for thirty minutes or longer.

If you’re not ready for higher weights buy the weights you can use at this time.

Turn on the radio, internet, iPod or other device to your favorite music for a mood boost while you work out.

Some exercises you can do in your living room:

Stretches and foam roller

Kettlebell swings

Single-leg deadlift

Alternating V-ups

Goblet squat

Curtsy squat

Pulse side squat

Lunges

Dumbbell curl

Chest press

Renegade Row

Plank

Side Plank with hip drop

Bicycle crunches

Figure 4 crunches

Push-ups

Jumping Jacks

Self-Care 101

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Like I wrote in here recently you have to expect that setbacks will happen. It’s not a matter of if but when you’ll experience a setback.

As this is true it’s imperative to adapt to the changes happening in your life. You need to be flexible and open to doing things differently.

Be flexible  while you’re experiencing the setback and in an ongoing way after the setback ends.

The point is if you ask me to change as you go along in your life.

Your needs will change as you get older.

It’s also critical to remember to be kind to yourself when you’re not at full speed and are unable to do what you were ordinarily able to do.

Be kind to yourself. As long as you’re doing the best you can there’s nothing to be upset about if you’re experiencing your own kind of retrograde period.

This setback time is perfect for editing and revising, taking stock of where you’ve been, thinking about where you want to go in the coming weeks and months.

We are all human. You and I might always mourn the passing of our “glory days” like the baseball pitcher in the Bruce Springsteen song “Glory Days.”

I’m here to tell you to have no fear: the best is always yet to be.

It’s possible to emerge on the other side of the setback stronger and more confident.

None of us can predict the specifics of our future lives.

Yet by taking consistent action to move forward in the direction of our goals we can bloom.

Yes: the best is yet to be. I firmly believe this.

Refrain from agonizing over what you’ve lost or haven’t been able to do.

As long as you wake up and God gave you another day it’s possible to make positive gains.

I’ll report in the next blog entry about setting up a home gym.

8 Tips for Caregivers

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Though I had a breakdown when I was 22 years old my parents didn’t ever have to act as my caregivers.

By the time I was 25 I lived in my own studio and had a full-time job.

I’m 53 and act as my mother’s caregiver now. It’s as if I’ve become a mother to her after all the years she cared for me.

Acting as a caregiver you have to care for yourself at the same time.

Here are 8 Tips for Caregivers:

Eat healthful food.

In New York City you can order from FreshDirect to deliver food to your doorstep.

Kettlebell Kitchen offers nutritionist-created meal packages delivered to your door or to your gym in New York City.

PeaPod is available in other areas.

Have on hand in your family member’s kitchen a complement of take-out menus. Be able to order a pizza or Chinese food to be delivered in a pinch.

Have a laundry service pick up and deliver your laundry.

The items will be neatly folded yet often wrinkled. I simply live with the wrinkles because I don’t send out good shirts.

In New York City the tropical summer air itself can smooth out your clothes’ wrinkles by the time you reach your destination.

I’ve place wrinkled tee shirts in my closet in August. The shirts are wrinkle-free by the time I take them out to use courtesy of the internal humidity.

Hire a House Cleaner.

It’s worth it to free up your time and preserve your sanity.

I ordinarily dislike cleaning chores on a regular day so have a woman clean as often as possible.

Set up a home gym.

All you need is a kettlebell, a set of weights, and a foam roller.

You can type in the names of exercises on YouTube to watch videos on the kinds of moves you’ll be able to do at home.

Turn on music and pump up the volume as you break a sweat.

No need for a costly gym membership if you’d really rather not pay a monthly fee.

In a coming blog entry I’ll talk about how I use my living room as a gym.

Hire a Home Health Aide to come in once or twice a week.

For the things you can’t do or provide on your own hire trained help to come to your family member’s house or apartment.

They can cook, possibly clean, and do other things for your loved one once or twice a week or more often if needed.

Contribute money to a peace of mind or emergency fund.

This way if you have to take unpaid leave from your job you’ll have the cash to cover it.

In New York State workers are given 40 hours of paid time off each year to care for a sick family member.

Keep your cell phone powered up at all times.

For your own safety and the safety of your loved one.

Carry a spare cell phone charger with you in case the battery runs low.

Talk to a friend or a therapist for added support.

In New York City you can dial (888) NYC-WELL to talk with a peer or social worker who can give you information about mental health resources.

 

We’re All Winners

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Unlike the disability rights crowd I’m content to use the word “courageous” to describe what it’s like waking up every day and having to live with an illness whether chronic or in remission.

As a fifty-three-year old woman, I don’t think anything or anyone is normal in this world. One day I simply couldn’t get out of bed again. So I stayed home.

Yes, I tell you: give me some kind of prize for having had a breakdown. Call me courageous even though I recovered and I’m in remission. No one should have to deal with an illness every day of their lives regardless of whether or not they still have symptoms.

First of all, folks, it’s courageous to practice wellness in a climate where others want the right to choose to be ill. Only the ill times were no joke for me.

My belief is that you can find your kind of wellness within your illness even if your condition is more severe.

I’m not going to minimize or discount the pain people are in. Nor do I want others to gloss over the pain I’m in. Though I report from the land of Well and Plenty I didn’t always have this fertile tilled soil. It’s too darn hard to get where I’ve gotten that you bet I expect others to have compassion for all of us.

We cannot live our lives in mortal fear of emotionally clueless people who have no compassion for us and our trials. That’s why I say: give us some kind of Nobel Prize just for waking up and being able to go out the door in the morning.

Whether we’re still in pain or doing better isn’t the point. The exclamation point is that each day we’re trying our best to survive and thrive.

We’re winners just because we get up in the morning.

No Judgments At This Blog

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This is what I think about something that happened in response to Kate Spade’s death.

NAMI New York State violated one of its own peer support guidelines: “We judge no one else’s pain as any less than our own.”

In an electronic newsletter NAMI New York State dared write:

“The heartbreak that many of Ms. Spade and Mr. Bourdain’s legions of admirers are experiencing is a fraction of the emotions felt when losing a friend or a loved one.”

The audacity! NAMI New York State feels its members are more deserving than others to feel grief about a loss. NAMI New York State dares assume that other people’s pain is less than yours or mine.

This stance will only alienate people who might have sought help.

I for one have been devastated by Kate Spade’s death at her own hands. As a person with ambition who is driven to excel I acutely understand that the fashion designer might have struggled even though she was at the top of her game.

After the death-from-illness of my mentor I have been thinking often about this dichotomy exactly: Why do some people when faced with hardship keep moving along and think things can get better? While others think things are hopeless and see no way out of their pain?

Is it partly a question of being given hope when you’re at the end of your rope? Is it mostly a question of feeling rapport with your treatment providers who can give you this hope? What is the solution to despair?

In New York City The Rita Project offers hope and healing for survivors of suicide attempts via art therapy endeavors. It seems they don’t have a website (or at least I haven’t found it via the cursory Google search hits).

I offer a disclaimer header in the menu bar at the top of the blogs. What I’m really trying to do here is to offer a haven in prose where people can be uplifted and inspired.

When people are hurting the last thing they need is to have a mental health organization discount the pain they’re in.

For the record, I was distraught when a guy I had known took his own life.

I’ve thought of a way to honor friends and loved ones who have committed suicide. I want to run this by an attorney to see about the viability of doing this. It might not be possible.

Yet hey–if you’re experiencing a hardship you deserve compassion.