Tag: love

Getting Older and Bolder

Christina BruniLeave a comment

Nothing lasts forever. Challenges and setbacks are to be expected in our lives. Far better to accept the changes and move forward with what I call the 3 G’s of Getting Older: living with Grace, Grit, and Gratitude.

Getting older is the time to act bolder. To accept the twists and turns on the highway of life.

I turned 61. I’ve been thinking about the vagaries of getting older. I’m going to write a carnival of blog entries about what I’ve learned that is the wisdom I’ve gained.

I call your sixties the “This is It!” decade. Often at this time we’re caring for an elderly mother or father. And it’s likely that we have full-time jobs at the same time.

What I accept is that there will be no remodeling myself to have washboard abs or spending all day at a washing machine. At 61 years old I think social connections matter more than having a hot body.

Though now is not the time to give up exercising totally. Far better to lift weights only once a week. Then go to that ailing mother or father’s house on the weekend to be with them at the end of their days.

I use the term “social health” to talk about maintaining healthy relationships later in life. As loneliness is on the rise. With a person becoming frail and losing their independence like our mother or father could they might be embarrassed to have friends over their house. We as their children should go there instead.

Is the term social health already in use? It must be in use unless I’ve invented the term which I doubt. In the coming blog entry I will talk about the 3 Lifestyle Questions I thought up to ask myself. I think that followers to the blog will benefit by asking yourself these questions too.

In fact nothing lasts forever. Post-60 I would say we cannot risk resisting the changes coming on in our bodies and in our lives. The fact is that right now our life is telling us what we should do if only we will stop to listen.

We cannot afford to remain stuck in the past or to dwell on whatever glory days might have gone by. The other fact is that in our older years new glory days of a different kind await us.

Having the courage to accept the impermanence of everything in our lives will go a long way to helping us maintain our health as the clock ticks.

Coming up blog entries devoted to living life and loving life at whatever age you and I are. If age is just a number, we can live full of vitality and verve at any age even with whatever kind of limitations we might have.

The Triangle of Recovery

Christina BruniLeave a comment

A friend posted the article I’m publishing here below on his website circa two years ago. I’m reposting it on my blog as the kickoff of my new focus on mental health not solely our physical bodies:

Five years ago after interacting with a narcissist I was struck with insight one night. That’s when the words The Triangle of Recovery burst into my head. Right then the three sides of the Triangle hit me in thirty seconds:

Fostering healthy relationships as the gateway to recovery. Giving and receiving love compassion and forgiveness as modes of healing. Honoring and accepting each person’s individuality as their superpower for living well and whole.

As regards healthy relationships:

The undeniable effect of trauma on a person, like having a mother or father who is a narcissist, was what got me to promote healthy relationships as the new focus of my Advocate work.

We can’t change other people’s behavior. We can vow to treat ourselves and everyone else the way we want to be treated. Kinder and gentler is the way to go. This is on us to do regardless of how others act.

Interestingly, near the time of my Triangle epiphany I met a kind and caring person. This reinforced that being in a healthy relationship can be curative for the individuals coming together.

As regards love compassion and forgiveness:

Without these healing modes illness worsens. Giving and receiving love compassion and forgiveness is required for us to heal from illness trauma or injustice. Oppression thrives in a loveless world.

Forgiveness exists on a continuum: It can come and go. It’s possible to have anger at what a person has done to us even though we’ve forgiven them.

Confronting them with how you feel isn’t always viable. Writing the person an unsent letter reading it aloud then ripping it up and throwing it away could help you come to terms with what happened.

As regards individuality being a superpower:

Often expressing our individuality is what other people like narcissists don’t like. What causes illness is being cut off from our true selves out in a society where we’re judged and criticized for being different. Living in a buttoned-up family can shred our self-worth when we think dress and love differently from an early age.

Illness sets in when we’re denied the right to express ourselves freely and without fear. The famous quote is: “Genetics is the gun. Environment pulls the trigger.”

Healing is possible when we commit to expressing our feelings. The act of showing up as ourselves I call “self-presentation.” Hiding who we are can cause emotional distress. The only thing hanging out in a closet should be a fabulous frock not our identity.

This is why our individuality is our superpower: Our gifts traits and strengths help us recover. Part of why I speak out is to fight stigma with velvet boxing gloves.

Using the Triangle of Recovery on our journey of healing can allow us to have a happier and healthier life. What if God or the Universe or a Higher Power is saving the best for last for us.

I hope that talking about the Triangle of Recovery sparks ideas for you about how to heal and recover.